I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize