WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
