I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Rumble strips road head = magical
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
