chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
