i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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