i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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