I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
