he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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