Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
