The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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