Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
