I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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