So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
