were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
