So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
