please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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