You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
