My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
