i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
