we're blogging at a bar
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize