he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
