There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
