i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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