I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize