I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
