Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
