U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do vagina's smell?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize