She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
