Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
