so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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