Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize