dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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