he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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