Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
