Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
