I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
