I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
