Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
