last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
