Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
