you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
