Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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