There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
