I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
