Can i not drive my cunt home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
