I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
