im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
