That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
