is your mom at the bar?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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