I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
