i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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