I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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