Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
