return my video game
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
