Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
