so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
