U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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