his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
