$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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