my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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