I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
