It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't deserve a penis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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