Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
