Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
