Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
