God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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