i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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