you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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