is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
