Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
