I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
