He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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