gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
