she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
