i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is wine microwaveable?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize