i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
