Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
