I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
