whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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