Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
