Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
