I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
