Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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