wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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