Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
