I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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