Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
