sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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