Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
