alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We left an ass print on the piano.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
