Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize